Trauma

The World is suffering trauma, the entire World. The one group that has suffered the least, however, at least in the Western World, is that of White straight men. And it is not that they are not included in the global trauma, but as a group, in general, they have suffered the least. Those of us in that group would do well to remember this and not assume a lack of damage on the parts of others. Up to now I felt it was unfair to assume damage from trauma. Now I feel it is unfair not to take care in case of trauma.

Up to now, I felt I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. I did not wish to assume damage because I felt that was being unfair to everyone I met. I felt I should speak to everyone as a fellow human being and expect nothing less. I was, at the same time, told that I was expecting too much. I did not wish to write anyone off or assume incapacity. I felt that would be unfair. I still feel it would be wrong to assume incapability, but now I feel it would be equally wrong to assume a lack of damage. Even White straight men are damaged, so how could anyone be undamaged?

Now, when I consider the trauma of the World, I think the right approach is simply to be more careful and considerate. It is not that I cannot express myself, it is that I can express myself in a way that does neither assume perfection nor dismiss someone as incapable: a middle ground. Any position can be expressed in a way that does not expect too much or too little.

If I speak in a way that does not take into account the current society as well as historical trends, I not only place myself outside of society and the timeline, I run the risk of creating new trauma or adding to existing trauma. If I simply rely on “I know what I meant,” that does not honor the possibility of causing accidental harm. I must be more careful than that.

It is a matter of considering one’s audience. If I speak to women, I must not say or do anything that could be construed as perpetuating or supporting the Patriarchy, even in jest. If I speak to persons of other races or cultures, likewise I must not say or do anything that could be misconstrued as hostile or simply insensitive to historical abuses.

Many White men think these facts mean they cannot speak or act; they feel persecuted. But it is not about sex or race; it is that the least traumatized have an increased obligation to help those with more trauma. And yes, it is a generalization, but right now White men bear the most power and the most responsibility to lift everyone else up in the kindest possible way.

I always felt my power, but now I feel my responsibility even more. I cannot simply imagine that the rest of the World is not damaged; it is, in general, suffering more than I am.

The bottom line for everyone is: be kind.